Terrified of my 30s 😳

My 30s have most definitely been the most… interesting 🤨 of all my years I think. I grew up TERRIFIED of my 30s. I dreaded it more than any other age! Why? My Mom…

It’s not necessarily my Moms fault. 😅 My Mom is 20 years older than me. So on her 30th Birthday, at almost 10 years old, I remember very clearly her DREADING 😰 turning 30. I remember her not wanting anyone to talk about it. Not wanting to celebrate. She was NOT looking forward to 30. 🚫

Ironically, she does not remember dreading her 30s 🤔 but this isn’t surprising because she has a terrible memory on some things like me. 😝 And it very well could have been exaggerated in my child mind when 4 months later, just before my 10th Birthday, my grandparents were in a bad accident on the way home from purchasing my birthday present. 🥵

I watched my Mom suffer from OCD & depression, spending a lot napping on the couch or buying ridiculous things. Within the next couple years my nightmare began. In my Moms mid 30s she left my Dad (and us basically). Our family endured the investigations and trials. Her 30s were rough. And I wanted no part of it. 🙅🏻‍♀️

Since then I’ve always dreaded my 30s. In my 20s I constantly heard how your 30s are supposed to be your best years. 🙄 There was NO convincing me to be excited for my 30s. On top of that, I knew my abuser was set to be released when I would be 31 years old. There was zero chance my 30s would be anything for dreadful. 😵‍💫

Then comes 2020. At 29 years old I am at the peak of my life. 🏃🏻‍♀️ I am running regularly and attending races monthly. I am in the best shape of my life and really taking care of myself. 💗 Covid was becoming a bit scary and panic was beginning to set in. We bought our house in May and life was really exciting.

Then came June. 2 months before my 30th birthday I started puking regularly and wouldn’t stop for nearly 2 years. 🤮 I thought I was going to die a couple times I was so weak and frail. We couldn’t find the cause but deep down, I think I knew. 💭

Just a month after my 31st birthday in September, I would have a torrential emotional breakdown. 😭 In November I would face my childhood abuser by video in court to obtain an indefinite injunction (restraining order). And then the following month he would be released from prison.

I could very well dwell on all the terrible things of my 30s but instead I have (finally) decided to embrace my 30s and look at all the positives! 🤩 3 months before my 30th Birthday we purchased our very first home. We have an amazing house and property in an amazing area less than 30 min from the beach in Florida! Whaaaaaaat?

Both of our big family vacations in my 30s so far have been absolutely amazing epic out west adventures. 🏔 🏜 We started our own actual LLC business. I work for myself with the rental cars and my side work allowing me to drive the kids to and from 3 different schools. David and I are closer and more connected. And we have huge dreams and goals I know we will also achieve. 🌟

But even with everything else, I think the best part of my 30s is what I have learned about myself. 🧘🏻‍♀️ The uncomfortable painful almost a year now of therapy that has taught me SO much about myself. How to feel and understand what’s going on inside of me. Why I do/act certain ways. I feel like an “adult” who can think with an adult rationale mind. 🧠

My 30s have been tough but also wonderful and I have to choose to focus on all the diamonds. 💎 You can either be negative, dwell on the negative, and have a disappointing life… OR you can focus on all the good and wonderful things going on and life a enriching life! The choice is yours and I’ve made mine. 🙌🏻

I’m choosing God. Family. Happiness. Positivity. Hope. Goals. Dreams. Love. & Kindness. 💓 I will receive what I put out and I want nothing more than the happiness of others. I thought my 30a would be the worst but it won’t… this is going to be my best decade yet! 👏🏻 💪🏼

In Love & Health 💞,

Vanessa 💙

(Workman Hands LLC)