This is My Story - Part 5

In May 2020 (start of the pandemic) we bought our very first home near Cocoa Beach, Florida and life was wonderful. I still had my occasional PTSD symptoms and issues but I felt better than I had in as long as I could remember. I was running regularly 🏃🏻‍♀️ and taking care of my self. I was doing at least 1 race/month and I felt wonderful! 🏅 The Vomiting Begins

Then just a month later in June 2020 the kids and I made a trip to Ohio by plane ✈️ . At the airport I knew I was sick. My stomach was turning and I prayed I could make the flight. I puked in the bathroom at the airport. ALMOST puked on the plane but managed to hold it together. My sister in law was flying with us and a friend of hers was to pick us up from the airport. I had met the friend before but didn’t know her well at all. 🚙

As we pulled down the road of my childhood home, to my Father’s House, she told me how she had family that used to live in that tri-plex… 😳 And of course she was related. I was going to puke again. It was too much. I was totally “stuck” and had no idea what to say. I probably said something like “oh yeah I knew them. Thanks for the ride.“ And then I couldn’t stop puking… for almost 2 years!!! 😫

Chronic Vomiting

Sometimes I puked every day. 🤮Sometimes I puked weekly. Sometimes I puked so bad I couldn’t function or go to work. It came and went in its severity but the doctors couldn’t figure out why! I had cat scan, ultrasound, saliva testing, bloodwork, & stool samples. We tried reflux meds, and a handful of other things. I seen my primary doctor multiple times and even the GYN. Next step was the GI Doc/Endoscopy but I didn’t want to. And I think I knew deep down they wouldn’t find anything except a probably burnt esophagus. My hormones were bottomed out and a mess so we’ve been working on those ever since. 😬 Certified Nursing Assistant

In August 2020, while still puking occasionally, I started working at a nursing home and fell in love. I passed my CNA test and obtained my Nursing Assistant License in November! By mid December the puking had increased again. We then all contracted covid over Christmas and I thought I was going to die. 🦠 Not from Covid but because I had dropped almost 60 lbs since the Christmas before. I would puke and have panic attacks. The nausea made me anxious and the anxiety made me nauseas. If I wasn’t puking, I was nauseas. 🤢

I managed to get back to functioning with the nausea & puking after the new year and again learned to live with it. I was working 3rd shift on hardly any sleep and I was struggling. In August, I started another job working 12 hr overnights at the hospital. Again I loved it but it was so hard! With 3 hours of driving/day for the kids’ school, it was impossible to get more than a couple hours of sleep.

Then came September 2021. My world was about to fall apart… again! ☮️✌🏻🐦 ⚡️😭

Parkstock 2

I knew this was my last time coming to Ohio indefinitely. And it was extra special. 9-11-21 was the 2nd Annual ParkStock event in my hometown after being canceled due to Covid the year before. This event is put on by MY DAD. 🤩 It’s a 1 day, all day, music festival to raise money for the parks in our small hometown. I have been a huge part of these events (and other events) and I knew it would likely be my last. 😞

That neighbor was scheduled for release just 3 months later, December 18, 2021… to stay with his mom… in my very small hometown.

I was SO excited for this event! 🎶 My BEST friend in Florida was flying up for the event and it was going to be AWESOME! We worked out butts off to set up. I hadn’t been puking much lately and was feeling pretty good. 🙌🏻 I had the normal anxieties and anxious feelings but I was laser focused on the event. Then… his family showed up. 😩 I played it cool, tried to avoid them, & tried to focus on the event. Until his brother flagged me down while selling 50/50 raffle tickets. 🎟

Crumbling Inside

I was terrified but didn’t want to show it. I tried to leave and they insisted we stay while they filled out over 20 tickets 😵‍💫. Eventually the brother looked me in the eyes and said “Do you know who I am?” while glaring at me like he wanted to kill me. I knew exactly who he was, what his name was, & what a worthless human he was, but I was scared. And I didn’t know what to do.

If my insides had a face you would have seen it screaming to run and while also crumbing in fear. 😰 I fumbled with my words and acted like I knew who he was but couldn’t recall his name. I could feel every fiber in my body about to explode with anxiety and shatter from fear.

His composer changed again and he positioned his body in an intimidating manner with the meanest glare 😠 and said “I’m ***… (pause) I’m ****’s Brother.“ Again fumbling my words I said something like “Oh yeah that’s right I knew that”. I was frozen but knew I had to get away. My best friend looked at me and could tell something wasn’t right. Then she noticed the way this group was glaring at me and knew we had to go. We collected the tickets and headed for somewhere safe. I called David trying to hold it together at this event and not lose it in front of my friend. 😭

They stayed for the WHOLE event. 😐 They went to the port-a-pottys when I did. They watched me and followed me at times. I couldn’t focus, I couldn’t breathe. I just wanted to go. I needed my husband. He was 1,000 miles away and I’m stuck here trying to keep it together. 😵‍💫 Luckily he summoned one of his many brothers who acted as my body guard. He stood directly behind this family the entire time he was there. He followed them to the restrooms and the exits. I felt 100x safer. But then I got brave… 🤦🏻‍♀️

Taking Back some Power

I mentioned to my brother in law that I felt like I wanted to say something to this guys brother. I had no idea why but I had this urge inside me. I NEEDED to say something. I needed to prove to myself I could. I could tell my brother in law did NOT like the idea but I couldn’t help myself. As he walked back to his seat I, impulsively, walked right up to him and asked “Is there something you want to say to me!?” 🧐

He was caught off guard and my brother in law stood close watching. It was his turn to fumble for his words. He then muttered “I’m… i’m innocent in all this.“ with his hands raised in a non threatening manner. “I’m just letting you know, that he is going to be out very soon, and he’s coming after you.“ I think he probably noticed the change inside me when I heard those words. 🫠

He looked at my brother in law and quickly fumbled his words to “correct” himself by saying “He’ll be out soon, and he’s getting a lawyer, and coming after you” and then he repeated it all again even calmer, to make sure it didn't sound like a threat. I said “OKAY!?“ And that was about it. He repeated how he’s innocent and neutral but again made it known. Of course he then found and buttered up to my Dad, was over the top nice, and offered to volunteer to help next year. 🙃😑

We finished out the event. Tore everything down. I didn’t want to talk about it. I just needed to get through a couple more days and I’d be home. I decided to take all that and lock it away, 🔐 I didn’t have the capacity to process what just happened. This was my friends first time to Ohio and I wanted to show her around. I wanted to enjoy what was left of our trip. I could feel the fear and anxiety building inside of me as I kept pushing it down. I didn't sleep much, if at all, those 2 nights in the hotel. I was afraid to sleep. I was afraid of having awful night terrors and my friend seeing/hearing/waking. I needed my husband. 🥺

Next I’ll discuss the aftermath. My total emotional breakdown. This may be the hardest part of my life. It’s been 9 months since that event. Stay tuned.

Thanks for Reading 📖 ,

-Vanessa 💙

(Workman Hands 🤲🏻)